Today I’m going to revisit a topic I’ve written on in the past and not for any particular reason other than sometimes in the midst of a storm people need to hear it.    I warn you this one is a bit wordy, but do hope you’ll read it all. 

I don’t know why things happen and I’m not sure I’m meant to, but I do know that God doesn’t just let things happen.  He has a plan.  A pure and perfect plan.  When the storm is in its full fury or when life just doesn’t seem to be all it should, we all tend to ask why rather than celebrate that God is in control.  It’s at times like these we can feel we don’t have the capacity to go on, but the fire that burns within us will keep us moving forward.  If nothing else, by pure will to do so. 

So many times in my life I’ve felt like I’m in the middle of a tornado, screaming at God for answers, cursing him for leaving me alone, closing myself off from the world because it was easier to just not feel anything when all I felt was pain.  But, I’m constantly reminded that this approach is flawed.  Drastically flawed.  I’m glad I have amazing souls around me to remind me that I’m loved, I matter, and I’m worth something.  This is made all more clear when tragic events happen or when I feel most alone. 

Have you ever thought about if today was your last?  What would you want for those left behind?  What would you want them to know about you?  Have you shared with them and told them how much they matter?  Have you shared your joy, your pain, your all?    I’m often torn between being completely open and locking up the ick.  My instinct, like most, is to protect those I love from seeing the pain, but as I mentioned I’m learning my instinct fails me.

A few years back I made a commitment to be more open in my writing.  I’m not sure everyone cares for this and some frankly just stop reading and many already have on this entry.    I don’t typically hold back what I’m feeling and I don’t shelter much.  I know some of you may say that I have a knack for burying some of it in the words I use, but it’s not intentional.  I write because this is a way I believe I can serve, this is a way that I can share, this is a way that I feel God is using me.  Sometimes it’s scary to be so vulnerable and sometimes I’m questioned and judged for my words and my belief, but I haven’t let it keep me from writing.  We all aren’t going to agree all the time and sometimes when one person offers sympathy or empathy another offers criticism.  That is our journey together.  That is our faith walk. 

Truth is today, like many days as I write, I have a myriad of emotions flowing through me.  I’m humbled by the mistakes I’ve made and continue to make, I’m trying every day to be a better version of myself, and I’m happy that God has seen to it that I have another day to tell all of you that even though I’ve not been perfect in this life, I’ve tried to be the best I can be.  That best may not be good enough for everyone and I have chosen to try to understand that in an effort to focus my energy where I can make a difference.  My only hope is that those of you reading this can embrace a similar approach.  It can and probably will be said that we’ve failed, hurt others, fell short at times in our lives, but I hope that the good we’ve done has outweighed the bad that comes from anger, prejudice, and pride.  If today were our last wouldn’t we want everyone to remember us for our good and not our shortcomings?  The self-righteous judges will say what they will, but those that know us, truly know us, will remember who we are and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

As for me, at the end of this I would want you all to recognize that Steve Ruckman was a man that tried to follow God’s plan and love without abandon.  Broken, imperfect, and very critical of himself, but this kind of man nonetheless.  

How about you?  What would your hope be?  Reflect, pray, and share.  Regardless of your faith, Salvation certainly isn’t dependent on telling your story to everyone, but you may just show another that they are not alone. 

Life is good, life is a gift, let’s live it accordingly.